Switch

I haven't made a post in a long time. I want you to know I am switching over to my new blog, The CLASSICAL CLUB. Go there, not here now. Okay.

Hello, Persons of Usa

Hey, everyone. Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'd like to reveal I am sponsoring (and managing) a recently formed band, which stars my brother Jacob Dailes (don't ask) as the percussionist. It is called the Mythics. Every member of the band is based on a folktale character:
Miranda - based on Cinderella, Ashputtel, etc.
Jacob - based on Herakles, Hercules, Samson, etc.
Samuel - based on Apollo, Pheobus, etc.
(coming soon) Alexandra - based on the Pied Piper.

"Greek Myths"

I, being the founder of recently created "Lucas INC.", would like to tell that soon there will be filming for a movie called "Greek Myths", based on myths from Greece about their gods.

Ricky of the Tuft

Disney's making a movie that will air 2011. I got a sneak at the opening credit.

It's based on the tale:

Ricky of the Tuft (By Perrault)

A witch tells a queen that her ugly baby boy will be the smartest guy in the world. The queen's still unhappy since her baby, Ricky, is ugly and has a huge tuft of hair growing on the top of his forhead.

Ooooooooooooookaaaaay.

At the same time, the same witch tells another queen that her beautiful baby daughter...

...in my own words...

will make Paris Hilton look like Einstein. The queen is also informed that her ugly daughter will make vise-versa her sister's "gift".

In case you didn't catch that, Princess Ugly will make Einstein look like Paris Hilton.

Ricky and Princess Nothing-Upstairs both have the gift of giving/getting smartness or beauty to/from whoever they marry.

Do I really need to tell you who they marry?

One day Ricky and Princess Nothing-Upstairs, both now young adults, meet in a wood and talk.

Que the sappy romantic singing/dancing scene involving fluffy/feathered, dancing animals.

Ricky proposes, and right when Princess Nothing-Upstairs accepts, she becomes Princess A-Lot-Upstairs.

Woooooooooooooww.

The Princess forgets Ricky, and after a year is walking in the forest when she finds an underground palace belonging to Ricky. Everyone is preparing for a wedding feast. The Princess remembers her engagement.

Talk about marital counseling.

Ricky appears, thinking the Princess is there for their wedding. Sadly, the Princess is now shallow, and tells Ricky she was younger when he proposed and now she's older and wiser. Ricky is ashamed because he sees she hates him because he's ugly.

He should kick her in the shin (I know, I have anger problems).

The Princess and Ricky fight, make-up quickly, and get married. Ricky turns into the hottest guy alive. They all live happily ever after.

See this post for a comment on this wacked-out type of ending.

The story ends saying that maybe Ricky didn't even grow beautiful at all, and that it was simply love that made the Princess see him as beautiful.

I wonder if Perrault was drunk when he wrote those lines. I mean, come on! So he's saying the fairy lied? And what about Princess Can't-Make-Up-Her-Mind-About-What-Kind-Of-A-Mind-She-Has? If the fairy lied, then she's still stupid, right? And everyone just loves her so much they're faking being able to understand what the crap she's saying? "Happily-Ever-After" needs therapists!

Persephone

The Myth of Persephone (A Greek Myth)

The plant goddess Demeter is out making the feilds lovely when she finds her daughter missing.

This reminds me of the opening to "The Brothers Grimm".

Demeter gets sad and doesn't let the trees and plants grow.

Talk about worried.

Demeter finds out that Persephone has been abducted by the Underworld god Hades, and is marrying him. She freezes the world into a little period of time scientists like to call "The Ice Age".

A bit harsh.

To be continued...

Hello, People

I'm very sorry I haven't been posting for a while. I'm waiting for Christmas.

The Pink

The Pink (By the Brothers Grimm)

A queen wishes for a child.

How many fairy tales start with this?!!

An angel comes and tells her she will have a child. She does. God gives him the power of receiving whatever he wishes for.

I'll kill him for the gift.

The evil cook steals him while the Queen is sleeping, and pours chicken blood all over her.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

The cook accuses the Queen of feeding the baby to wild animals. She is locked up in a tower.

Instead of "Kiss the Cook" I'd make his apron read "Kick the Cook".

The cook makes the boy wish for a giant palace when the boy's old enough to speak.

Or maybe "Kill the Cook".

The cook becomes a lord, and the boy wishes for a hot playmate.

Yes, lots of ineuendo at the end of that sentence. Move along.

The boy grows to adulthood with the cook and his hot best friend. The cook, thinking the wishing boy might kill him, tries to threaten the girl to kill the wishing boy. She can't because she loves him.

Oooh! I smell romance!

She kills a deer instead and cuts out its heart and tongue for proof, and then has the wish boy hide.

What was she planning on doing? Having him hide forever? She must be one of those "beauty, no brains" kind of girls. What happens if he's found? I suddenly picture her saying that line from the FHFIF (Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends) episode AN (Adoptcalypse Now): "It's a Christmas Miracle!

Wish Boy figures out everything and turns the cook into a black-poodle-with-a-gold-collar-that-eats-burning-coals-until-he-burps-fire by wishing.

Awesome!

Then the boy turns his friend into a beautiful pink flower.

That's a reward?

He puts her in his pocket and goes to his dad's palace followed by the black/gold-fire-poodle-thingy. He visits mom by wishing for a ladder that can reach her window. She's been protected by angels the whole time. Then he tells his dad he's a hunter that can catch any thing. The king tells him to prove it. So the boy gets all the hunters of the land into one ginormous circle in the middle of the forest. He leaves one part of the circle open. Then he wishes.

Wait for it!

Then, two-hundred deer come flocking into the circle of big hunters with arrows and guns.

Do I even have to tell you what happens next?

The boy brings back the two-hundred dead deer and there's a feast. The boys reveals who he is to his dad. He turns the poodle-thingy back, and the cook is locked in the deepest, darkest dungeon for the rest of his life. The boy then reveals his beautiful flower, literally, and then figuratively. The court is astonished by his girlfriend's hotness.

In case you didn't get that 2nd to last sentence, it means he showed them the flower then changed her back.

The king and newly released queen die of joy.

See this post for a comment on this: http://sarahbethdurst.blogspot.com/2007/02/obscure-fairy-tale-juniper-tree.html

The Wishing-Boy and the Flower-Girl get married and live happily ever after.

10 Things I Hate About Christmas

I am currently visiting my cousin Janie Bennett. You probaly know her as the wife of one of the biggest buisnessmen in PCB, FL. Hint: His name starts with "Nee-" and ends with "-L Bennett". Anyhow. I was just making a poem. Wanna hear.

10 Things I Absotively Posulutely Hate About the Holidays (By Me)

The top ten things I hate
About this famous holiday.
I wouldn't know where to start.
Wait, yes I can, because I'm smart.

#10 would have to be X-mas.
Where's the X from, it's called Christmas!
#9 would be Chris Kringle.
No offense, but what happened to King-Of-Kings, huh?!!

#8 would be the North Pole.
Not that it's not cute and all!
#7 would be the eight flying reindeer.
Could fantasy be any more queer?

#6 would be the green and red.
Aren't those, like, the colors of dread?
#5 is the toymaking elves.
Don't they ever fill the shelves?

#4 is the supposed "snow".
Why can't I ever have a go?
At making a snowman or throwing a ball?
Isn't it supposed to be fun and all?

#3 is the chilling cold.
Any more of that, I'll become an ice mold.
#2 is the fact that you can never
Get the present you really endeavored.

And now that I've told you all,
Let me tel you the worst of all.
At #1 I've got to say.
I simply love this holiday.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Rain/The Fairies

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry I didn't post yesterday! It was raining hard, and all day my computer couldn't get any possible signal. Because of this, I was bored, and wrote this poem:

Rain, Rain, Go away!
Come again another year!
Or at least another day!
Or I'll rip my hair out, ear to ear!

As a bonus:

The Fairies; or Diamonds and Toads (By Perrault)

Once Upon a Time, this chic is always beaten up by her stepmom and stepsis because they hate her and the other members of her family are dead.

Wow. This definitely doesn't sound familiar.

The girl has to go to a well one day, and while there getting water, Jack fell down, and broke his...

Oops! Wrong story. Guess I was thiking rhymes sincethe book Perrault published his stories in was called Mother Goose Tales Of Long Ago.

An old woman comes up to her and asks for some water. The good girl gives her water, and the woman, really a fairy, blesses her. When the girl gets home, whenever she talks, diamonds and beautiful flowers fall out of her mouth.

Aren't diamonds, you know, sharp. How does she live through this kind of experience? I guess the flowers might lessen the impact as the diamonds bump against her throat.
Also, if I were the stepmother (this might make me sound mean), I'd have a surgeon take out the girl's vocal cords and sell them on e-Bay.

The stepmother sends her girl out to the well, hoping the same will happen, but this time the fairy's disquised as a princess, and the mean girl refuses her anything. The fairy curses her, and whenever she talks, snakes and toads come out of her mouth.

Eeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

The stepmom plans to beat the good girl, who has escaped though into the forest. A young, handsome king finds her, falls in love with her, marries her, and they live happily ever after.

Except for the stepsis who is still in danger of dying by snake venom every time she coughs.

Bonus, Bonus:

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

And his reason for this is...?

Humpty Dumpty had a big fall,

Ah ha! The plothole large enough to drive a semi though!

All the king's horses and all the king's men,

Why the horses? How do they help put a broken, giant egg back together?

Couldn't put him together again.

Gory end to a child's rhyme. I propose a new holiday in honor of Humpty:
Giant Omelet Day!

The Ultimate Aesop Test

Time to see if you know anything about Aesop's Fables:

Put the answers in an e-mail and send it to me at: mythlover@comcast.net

1. In the fable, "Venus and the Cat," what happened to change Venus' mind about making the cat a woman?

A. The Cat/Woman ate a bird alive.
B. The Cat/Woman played with some yarn.
C. The Cat/Woman chased a mouse.
D. The Cat/Woman licked her master.

2. In the fable, "The North Wind and the Sun," which part of nature won the bet?

A. The North Wind.
B. The Sun.
C. The Moon.
D. The North Star.

3. In "The Fir and the Bramble," what was the moral?

A. Slow and Steady wins the race.
B. Honest is the best policy.
C. The best ideas are usually the ones that are impossible.
D. Don't boast, because you will eventually learn a big lesson.

4. In "The Lazy Housemaids," which farm animal was killed?

A. Rooster.
B. Bull.
C. Chicken.
D. Deer.

5. In "Brother and Sister," which family member was vain?

A. Brother.
B. Sister.
C. Father.
D. Mother

Okay, well that's all folks.

Only You/The Fox and the Crane

This video is the funniest thing ever!

I wanted to post this fable:

The Fox and the Crane (By Aesop)

A fox invites a crane/stork over for dinner.

Um, he's a fox. Shouldn't Crane/Stork be thinking that, "Hey, want to come over for dinner," means, "Hey, wanna be eaten alive?"

Crane/Stork comes over, but discovers that the soup is being served on flat china.

Mean Fox. Pssst, the reason that's mean is that, in case you didn't know, storks and cranes have long, thin, pointy beaks.

Crane/Stork invites Fox for dinner, and when he comes, she serves the soup in huge, thin jars, making her able to eat, but not Fox, who has a short snout.

Technically, that has to do with giving, since he GOT his just desserts.

Here's my fave version of this fable:

You've heard how Fox treated Crane

With Soup on a plate; When again

They dined, a long bottle

That suited Crane's throttle,

And Fox licked the outside in vain.

My e-Book

My e-Book is going to be published!!!

To see it click on ME! :)

December/The Magic Paintbrush

Since, according to my calender, it's December now, and December is the Holiday season, I will from now until January be uploading fables on giving. You know. Giving. The main theme of Christmas. A part of the holiday season. In fact, ONE of the holidays of the holiday season. Any hoo.

The Magic Paintbrush (A Chinese Myth)

A little boy named Ma-Liang wants to be a painter when he grows up. But he's poor, so he cannot afford a brush.

How much were brushes back then?!!

One night, he dreams that an old man gives him a brush, and tells him to paint from his heart.

Ooooooooookay.

When he wakes up Ma-Liang finds the brush beside him. He paints a rooster, and all of a sudden, the drawing practically comes to life.

Wow! If he paints that good then he should become an artist.

The rooster hops off the page and goes into a nearby farmyard.

Can I borrow that paintbrush. I'd like to gives my house some decorating.

Later, Ma Liang happens upon some fishermen who are poor like him and haven't caught anything. He draws fish on the floors of their boats, and the fish become real. A goatherder's goats have been stolen, so Ma-Liang draws him another herd. A farmer doesn't have a cow to help him plow, so Ma Liang draws him one. In this fashion, Ma Liang helps people.

He needs a theme song. He's like a super hero. I can imagine it now: It's a bird! It's a plane! And now Artist-Boy is drawing a dog!

The evil Emporer hears of Ma Liang's brush, and commands him to paint a mountain of gold. Ma Liang refuses, and is put in prison. That night, he draws a door and leaves the prison.

I totally saw that coming. A monkey with only 1/4 a brain could have seen that coming.

The Emporer hunts down Ma-L. and commands him to paint the mountain. Out in the middle of the ocean, Ma L. draws an island made enirely of gold. The Emporer gets on a ship and begins going to the island. Ma L. draws a tidal wave that pushes the ship into a whirpool Ma L. also drew as the boat is returning.

Smart kid.

Ma L. runs away to a far way land, where he gets a job for the emporer painting dragons. He never dotted the dragons eyes, for the thought that they would become real if he finished them. From then on, whenever a peice of art looking unfinished, it would be said in China, "Wa Lawng, Dohn Jhin", meaning, "Draw Dragon, Dot Eyes".

Wow. So he even got a saying.

Hot Chocolate

I just ran across this supremely awesome recipe:


Mexican Hot Chocolate

A chocolate bar, real vanilla bean, and cinnamon sticks make this hot cocoa recipe extra special. Delicioso! (Psst...you may want to have some extra chocolate bars around in the event of accidental snacking).

This recipe requires a watchful eye, because it may require sharp tools or hot pans.

This recipe contains one or more of the following common food allergens: dairy, nuts, soy, wheat, or eggs.

Try this recipe at your next party. Double the ingredients or divide them in half, depending on the size of your celebration.

Servings: 6
Prep Time: 10 min.

Ingredients:

3 oz. chocolate bar (dark or bittersweet)
3 cups milk (skim milk is not recommended)
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 vanilla bean (split down the center)
1 cinnamon stick
Pinch salt
Miniature marshmallows, for serving
6 Kellogg's Cocoa Krispies Cereal Straws, for serving

Directions:

To get started, break the chocolate bar into small pieces. Add the chocolate bar to a pan. Measure out the milk and cup of sugar. Add to the pan. Use a spoon to scrape the sticky seeds from the vanilla bean. Add to the pan, along with the cinnamon stick. Add a pinch of salt and place the pan on the stove. Heat the ingredients under low heat, stirring constantly with a whisk to avoid burning, until chocolate is melted. Be careful not to burn the milk. Carefully pour the chocolate mixture into each mug. Your can add three or four miniature marshmallows and a Cereal Straw to each mug before serving.

Nutrition Info:

Calories --- 200
Fat --- 7 grams

Because of the "nutrition", I recomend this as a once every thousand years experience.

The Rabbit's Bride

I ran across this funny story while reading "Household Tales: By the Bros. Grimm" this morning.

The Hare's Bride (from the Brothers Grimm)

Once Upon a Time, a girl is told by her mother to go shoo away a rabbit that's eating their lettuce. This happens three times...

There it is again! The famous 3!!!

...and finally the girl agrees to go with the rabbit to his cave.

What? What did she do? Did I miss a page? I MUST have missed something!

The rabbit forces her to marry him, and she's angry at the wedding. All the rabbit family comes.

My friends, Jake and Willy Grimm, are way too subtle to say it, but Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, Eeyore, Kanga, and Roo also came to Rabby's wedding.

The girl's bored, and makes a dummy that looks like her, puts it in her place, and goes home.

Rabbit's been Punk'd!

Rabbit comes to check on his new wife, and when she won't listen to him or talk to him, he hits her. The girl, really the dummy, falls over. Rabbit thinks he's accidentally killed her.

Bad Girl! Also, I can imagine seeing a rabbit with a long, full bag over his shoulder, digging a secret grave over by an old, deserted road. Hm!

So there's the odd story of the Rabbit's Bride, a regect episode from "The Adventures of Winnie The Pooh".

Hello, Peoples of America

Please subscribe to my newsletter! I'm begging you! (The instructions for doing that are at the left)

I recently did three awesome things!

Okay. "Awesome" is an understatement. Like a The-Beast-Was-Furry kind of understantment. A Cinderella-was-definitly-not-a-tomboy kind of understatement. Snow-White-had-mental-problems kind of understatement.

Anyways!:

* Finished my e-Book "Psyche".
* Filed a legal restraining order against a classmate.
* Finished the script for my first edition of "Grimm".

The first edition of it is two of the Grimm Bros fairy tales:

Aschenputtel and Frau Hulda.

Aschenputtel is live action, but Frau Hulda is stop-motion. And the most fanta-bul-osti-cash-ous thing is that...

Wait for it!

Frau Hulda is done!!!

And because of this...

Get ready for it:

Snoopy.

Dance.

Of Joy.

And Supreme Happiness.

Sarah Beth D., if you're reading this (I hope you are) go to the next post down. I answered your comment there. Also, everyone, check out all my posts!

The Clinking, Clanking Lowesleaf

The Clinking Clanking Lowesleaf (I have no idea who wrote it)

Once Upon A Time... a king sets out on a trip and asks his three daughters what they would like to have as a gift on his return. The youngest asks for a Clinking, Clanking Bell, or Lowesleaf.

I'm just guessing on the bell thing. If you know what a lowesleaf is, please tell me before I make the movie based on this tale.

The king can't find the bell-thingy and as going home depressed, he comes upon a giant black poodle-looking thing. It tells him that in return for his daughter he'll give him the bell. The king agrees.

Uh, hello! She's you daughter for 1! And 2, you're getting it for her! If you don't have her, how do you give it to her!

In a year, the poodle-dog-beast comes. After a series of odd events, the young princess goes with the dog. She crawls onto his back and eventually falls asleep. When they get to his home, he puts her in the little bedroom, and she wakes p alone the next morning. A beggar lady appears and tells her that the dog is really an enchanted prince, and tells her what to do, and that night, even though the dog begs her sweetly and gently to let her in, but she refuses.

Anyone who knows fairy tales can hear the alarm bells: don't obey the witch! But the Thing I Love about this story is: the girl's right.

The next night the dog begs so sweetly and gently, the girl almost consents. But she doesn't. The third night, she almost consents, but doesn't. The dog falls asleep. The girl grabs his fur and throws it into the fire. He goes crazy.

I can see how ripping off his doghood could peeve him off.

In a fiery blast of exitement and light, the hut becomes a castle, the forest a village, the animals villagers, and the dog a handsome Prince, finally free from the enchantment that had hypnotized him. The witch comes to the wedding, there's lots of fun, and every one lives happily ever after.

At least in this story they tell what happens to the magic helper.

King Thrushbeard

King Thrushbeard (By the Brothers Grimm)

Once Upon A Time... there's this hot but spoiled princess who insults everyone, including a handsome suitor with a pointy chin. She teases him by calling him, "King Beakbeard", or "King Thrushbeard". Her father, sick of it, declares that the next man she insults will be her husband.

Fair.

The next day, the princess insults an ugly musician. The next day he takes her to the countryside as his new wife.

Okay, now it's a bit harsh.

She has to weave baskets, but cuts herself with the material and has to go sell pottery.

Ow.

She refuses to set up by the "filthy peasants" and sets up in the middle of the road.

Um, does she have anything upstairs?

A drunk soldier rides through her stand and crushes the pottery. She has to take a job in the palace kitchen, and finds out that the palace belongs to King Thrushbeard. She finally humbles herself, and one day has to clean the halls during a wedding feast for the King.

She could be marrying him if she had been humble before.

The King comes in and takes her into the ball room. There, she tries to escape, but he reveals that the musician was really him in disguise. He did it all to humble her. She tries to run again, knowing that with all he'd done, she isn't worthy to marry such a good and determined man. But he holds her tight, they are married, and live happily ever after.

Good fable.

The Devil And His Grandmother

The Devil And His Grandmother (By the Brothers Grimm)

Once Upon A Time, there is this huge war, and the captain of this army doesn't pay his soldiers. Two soldiers, tired of being nearly killed just to be paid nothing a day, abandon camp, kidnapping the drummer boy, since he threatened to squeal on 'em.

You see, there's an entire awesome chase scene implied in these simple actions. I'm picturing snow mobiles and jumping from planes with a screaming boy and the cursing captain and helpers closing in on them.

The tired soldiers camp in a cornfield intending to escape at dawn. But the next morning, they find that they are surrounded by their comrad soldiers.

I'm thinking their plan had a few flaws.

The soldiers stay their three days, and are extremely hungry.

Understatement of the Year.

Suddenly, Beelzebub appears and gives them a magic whip saying that in three years he would come back and ask them some riddles and if they don't answer them right, their souls are his. Then he transports them into a far away village.

Okay, the big scene was much longer than how I summarized it. PS. Beelzebub is the Jewish Prince of Hell. Basically the Devil's best friend.

The three soldiers take turns using the magic whip. Every time they use it, a pound of cash appears in front of them.

Could I please borrow that whip?

Right before the three years are up, Beelzebub comes back to the soldiers and reminds them of the deal they had. The drummer boy, still the smartest of the group, goes down to Hell. There he meets Beelezebub's grandma.

I love the idea of a demon's grandmother as a character. What does she think of her grandson's occupation? Does she boast about him to the ladies at the senior center? Does she still have the crayon drawings that he did in preschool? Does she knit him embarrassing sweaters for the holidays? (Do any grandmothers actually do that outside of novels?)

The grandmother is sweet and tells the boy to hide in the cellar. At noon, Beelzebub comes home and Granny asks him about the riddles. He tells Granny the answers, and the drummer boy eavesdrops. When Beelzebub goes to bed, the boy goes back home. When Beelzebub comes and gives the riddles, the boy answers and answers correctly. The soldiers, happy they beat the Demon Prince, whip up cash until the earth spews golden magma.

Wow!

They all live happily ever after.

Except Beelzebub, who is plotting revenge on the soldiers' descendents.

Little Red-Cap

Little Red Cap (By Charles Perrault)

Once upon a time... Mom says to Little Red Cap, "Your grandma is sick. Bring her cookies. Don't leave the path. Don't talk to strangers."

I can't help but think that Mommy-Red could have explained the reason behind her rules. Perhaps something like: "Don't talk to strangers or they'll EAT you."

Little Red says, "Yes, mother," and skips merrily into the forest.

Is this good parenting? Sending one's daughter to skip merrily through a wolf-infested forest? Seems to me a bit like the medieval equivalent of "go play in traffic."

In the forest, a wolf sees Little Red and says, "Yummy." He isn't referring to the cookies. "Little girl," he says. "Where are you going?"

Yes, yes, lots of innuendo here. Move along.

Little Red says, "Grandma's house. Here, I'll show you a map."

Okay, maybe she doesn't have a map, but in some variants, the kid describes all the landmarks en route to Granny's house. Clearly, McGruff the Crime Dog didn't visit her preschool.

Wolf thinks, Grannies make nice appetizers. I'll eat her first and then Little Red. Out loud, he says, "Don't you want to pick flowers?"

Why not eat Little Red now and Grandma after and skip all the PJ-wearing? Why does the wolf care so much about the order of his meals? Is he one of those fussy eaters who won't eat his peas if the mashed potatoes are touching them?

"Sure," Little Red says. She leaves the path to pick flowers.

Little Red is weak in the Force.

Wolf runs to Grandma's house, eats Grandma, and then dresses in her clothes.

This is such an odd plan. I mean, he's a wolf, right? Couldn't he just, you know, hide behind the door and pounce? I think he secretly envies Cinderella's mice who get to wear cute little outfits all the time.

Eventually, Little Red arrives at Grandma's house. She sees the wolf in Grandma's clothes and says, "Ah-ha, imposter! Have at thee!" And she draws her sword and...

Fine, fine, that totally doesn't happen in, like, any version of this story. But wouldn't it be awesome if it did?

Little Red says, "My Grandma, your arms are huge.

"Isn't this kind of a personal remark? Perhaps in addition to "don't talk to strangers", Mommy-Red should have said, "Don't insult your grandmother's physique."

"All the better to hug you with, my dear."

Really, this is a very polite response to a bratty remark.

"Grandma, your ears are huge."And hairy."All the better to hear you with, my dear."

Sesame Street has the best explanation for Little Red that I've ever seen. Their Little Red Riding Hood simply thinks everyone is Grandma. She greets Elmo with a hug and a cry of "Grandma!"

"Grandma, your eyes are huge."

I suppose you could say that Little Red isn't unobservant -- she just doesn't like to leap to conclusions.

"All the better to see you with, my dear."

Maybe she is trying to be polite and is simply dancing around saying, "Granny, I think you're a wolf."

"Grandma, your teeth are huge."

Or maybe she's just an idiot.

"All the better to eat you with, my dear!"

Does it say bad things about me that I always want to cheer at this line?

And the wolf eats her.

Yummy. In this version by Perrault, there's of course no huntsman. We're all supposed to learn to obey our mothers and/or run away very fast when a wolf tries to eat us.

Copyright: Sarah Beth Durst, sometime long ago