Saturday, November 29, 2008

Aladdin and his Wonderful Lamp

I felt I should upload this one so people could tell the real version from the Disney version.

So here's the story of:

Aladdin And His Wonderful Lamp (The 1001 Arabian Nights)

A boy named Aladdin lives with his poor mother in Baghdad.

Thing I Love #1: In "1001 Nights", pretty much everyone lives in Baghdad!

Aladdin is a lasy gambler.

And he's the hero?

One day, a wizard from Morocco walks up to Aladdin and tells the boy he's his uncle. Aladdin takes the man home.

Didn't his mommy ever tell him not to talk to strangers?

The wizard summons a feast with his magic wand and Aladdin and his mom eat til they're full. The wizard takes Aladdin shopping and to etiquite school. Aladdin becomes a (as he probably calls it) "A sofistuh-muhcated noble".

I'm serious. Since he spent all his childhood gambling instead of being educated, he probably makes wood look like Einstein.

One day, the wizard takes him into the Sahara and shows him a rock.

Even though he's not that smart, he's probably thinking, "Uh, Uncle. Do I need to get a strag-ht jakket an' some very nice men with a very pig ned?" (I spelled that wrong on purpose)

The wizard says some weird words and the rock opens up, showing a big underground tunnel. The wizard tells Aladdin to go inside and get an old, dusty brass oil lamp for him.

If I were Aladdin I'd be backing away really slowly.

Aladdin goes inside and finds an orchard of trees bearing what he thinks are "glass apples and berries".

Told you he was dumb.

Aladdin fills his pockets with the jewels and finds the lamp. The wizard refuses to help him out of the tunnel unless he gives him the lamp first. Aladdin refuses.

I think Aladdin is sick. He just did something smart... Call the pediatrician!

The wizard angrily closes Aladdin inside. Aladdin, scared and confused, wrings his hand, hitting a ring the wizard gave him. A djinn appears, and asks him what he would like most right then. He wishes he was home. The djinn grants his wish.

In Arabian Legend, a djinn was an evil spirit tamed by King Solomon. Djinni (the plural form of djinn) were made of "fireless smoke" and when released from their lamp or ring would grant their new friend any wishes the friend wished before going free as a faery. The modern genie is an American inspiration of the Arabian Djinni.

At home, Aladdin shows his mother the jewels and the lamp. He tries to rub the dust off the lamp so he can try to sell it, and another djinn appears. Aladdin wishes he and his mother were filthy rich, and the djinn grants his wish.

Good Aladdin!

Years later, the now rich Aladdin falls in love with the Sultan's daughter, Badroulbadour, and sends his mother as an ambassador to the Sultan to bribe him with the jewels. Sadly, Badroulbadour is engaged to the Grand Vizir.

Badroulbadour. Try saying that 3 times fast. That is, if you can pronounce it. Also, Aladdin is sort-of a pervert since the first time he saw her she was entering the bath-house.

The Sultan says that in three months he will decide if Aladdin or the Vizir is marrying Badroulbadour. After only two months, Aladdin finds out Badroulbadour is just about to marry the Vizir.

If I were Aladdin I'd kick the Sultan in the shin. Or the nuts.

Aladdin has the Djinn put the Vizir in the cold that night, and has him bring Badroulbadour to his mansion that night. Badroulbadour is scared at first.

Not that I don't love a Cupid-and-Psyche scene, but the hero just became the kidnapper.

After a few nights like this, the Vizir has a fever and divorces Badroulbadour.

The kidnapper has won round 1.

The Sultan remembers Aladdin, but still doesn't care he broke his promise.

See the comment I put 2 comments above this one. The one about kicking the Sultan in the unmentionables.

Aladdin has the Djinn summon up forty pure gold vases filled with jewels carried by forty African slaves...

Ah ha! Racists in Baghdad!

...and forty white slaves all wearing the finest clothes. The Sultan is amazed when Aladdin gives him this as a present. He approves of Aladdin wedding the princess. Aladdin woos her.

The kidnapper has won Round 2.

In one day, Aladdin has the djinn create a palace of the finest marble and jewels, and a dome in the middle of the palace made of pure gold and silver with twenty-four diamond/ruby-encrusted windows, and around the palace are stables and grooms and horses and even a red carpet leading from Aladdin's palace to the Sultan's.

I forgot to mention that right before he had the palace built, Aladdin told the Sultan he was going to make a palace that could fit Badroulbadour's beauty. Awwww!

Aladdin and Badroulbadour move into their new palace and live happily ever after.

Just Kidding.

So right after the groom and bride move in, the wizard finds out after all these years that Aladdin isn't dead. And he also knows where Aladdin's new palace is.

Aladdin needs to take a long vacation very soon.

The wizard comes to town dressed as a peddlar and tricks Snow White into biting into the...

Oops! Wrong Story.

Dressed as a traveling salesman, the wizard goes to the palace shouting, "New Lamps For Old Lamps." Badroulbadour, knowing nothing about the magic lamp, and thinking it a deal, trades the magic lamp for a new, non-magic one.

I can't blame Aladdin for not telling her. "Honey, I love you, and the only reason I'm marrying you is because I had my tamed-demon-friend make me look like I'm rich."

At home, the wizard has the djinn send a tornado that bring Badroulbadour's palace, with her and her slaves and syuff in it, to Morocco. He tries to force Badroulbadour to marry him, saying Aladdin is dead.

Bad Djinn!

The Sultan threatens to kill Aladdin if he doesn't find Badroulbadour. Aladdin, stuck in the desert, rubs the ring, and the Ring Djinn appears and takes him to Badroulbadour's palace. Aladdin buys some poison from a nearby apothecary, and tells Badroulbadour what to do. Badroulbadour drugs the wizard's drink that night, he dies, Aladdin gets the lamp, and the Lamp Djinn takes him, Badroulbadour, and the palace back to Baghdad.

Aladdin has one round 3.

Except for the wizard, they all live happily ever after.

At least until the wizard's son comes along and tricks Badroulbadour into wanting a roc's egg, which for some unknown reason pisses off the Djinn. And I'm wondering if Aladdin did ever explain everything to Badroulbadour. Also, a roc is an Arabian-Mythological giant bird.

So there's the true story of Aladdin. Come back later for my next post:
Aschenputtel (Ash Face)

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