Saturday, April 17, 2010


I haven't made a post in a long time. I want you to know I am switching over to my new blog, The CLASSICAL CLUB. Go there, not here now. Okay.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Hello, Persons of Usa

Hey, everyone. Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'd like to reveal I am sponsoring (and managing) a recently formed band, which stars my brother Jacob Dailes (don't ask) as the percussionist. It is called the Mythics. Every member of the band is based on a folktale character:
Miranda - based on Cinderella, Ashputtel, etc.
Jacob - based on Herakles, Hercules, Samson, etc.
Samuel - based on Apollo, Pheobus, etc.
(coming soon) Alexandra - based on the Pied Piper.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

"Greek Myths"

I, being the founder of recently created "Lucas INC.", would like to tell that soon there will be filming for a movie called "Greek Myths", based on myths from Greece about their gods.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Ricky of the Tuft

Disney's making a movie that will air 2011. I got a sneak at the opening credit.

It's based on the tale:

Ricky of the Tuft (By Perrault)

A witch tells a queen that her ugly baby boy will be the smartest guy in the world. The queen's still unhappy since her baby, Ricky, is ugly and has a huge tuft of hair growing on the top of his forhead.


At the same time, the same witch tells another queen that her beautiful baby daughter... my own words...

will make Paris Hilton look like Einstein. The queen is also informed that her ugly daughter will make vise-versa her sister's "gift".

In case you didn't catch that, Princess Ugly will make Einstein look like Paris Hilton.

Ricky and Princess Nothing-Upstairs both have the gift of giving/getting smartness or beauty to/from whoever they marry.

Do I really need to tell you who they marry?

One day Ricky and Princess Nothing-Upstairs, both now young adults, meet in a wood and talk.

Que the sappy romantic singing/dancing scene involving fluffy/feathered, dancing animals.

Ricky proposes, and right when Princess Nothing-Upstairs accepts, she becomes Princess A-Lot-Upstairs.


The Princess forgets Ricky, and after a year is walking in the forest when she finds an underground palace belonging to Ricky. Everyone is preparing for a wedding feast. The Princess remembers her engagement.

Talk about marital counseling.

Ricky appears, thinking the Princess is there for their wedding. Sadly, the Princess is now shallow, and tells Ricky she was younger when he proposed and now she's older and wiser. Ricky is ashamed because he sees she hates him because he's ugly.

He should kick her in the shin (I know, I have anger problems).

The Princess and Ricky fight, make-up quickly, and get married. Ricky turns into the hottest guy alive. They all live happily ever after.

See this post for a comment on this wacked-out type of ending.

The story ends saying that maybe Ricky didn't even grow beautiful at all, and that it was simply love that made the Princess see him as beautiful.

I wonder if Perrault was drunk when he wrote those lines. I mean, come on! So he's saying the fairy lied? And what about Princess Can't-Make-Up-Her-Mind-About-What-Kind-Of-A-Mind-She-Has? If the fairy lied, then she's still stupid, right? And everyone just loves her so much they're faking being able to understand what the crap she's saying? "Happily-Ever-After" needs therapists!

Thursday, December 25, 2008


The Myth of Persephone (A Greek Myth)

The plant goddess Demeter is out making the feilds lovely when she finds her daughter missing.

This reminds me of the opening to "The Brothers Grimm".

Demeter gets sad and doesn't let the trees and plants grow.

Talk about worried.

Demeter finds out that Persephone has been abducted by the Underworld god Hades, and is marrying him. She freezes the world into a little period of time scientists like to call "The Ice Age".

A bit harsh.

To be continued...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Hello, People

I'm very sorry I haven't been posting for a while. I'm waiting for Christmas.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Pink

The Pink (By the Brothers Grimm)

A queen wishes for a child.

How many fairy tales start with this?!!

An angel comes and tells her she will have a child. She does. God gives him the power of receiving whatever he wishes for.

I'll kill him for the gift.

The evil cook steals him while the Queen is sleeping, and pours chicken blood all over her.


The cook accuses the Queen of feeding the baby to wild animals. She is locked up in a tower.

Instead of "Kiss the Cook" I'd make his apron read "Kick the Cook".

The cook makes the boy wish for a giant palace when the boy's old enough to speak.

Or maybe "Kill the Cook".

The cook becomes a lord, and the boy wishes for a hot playmate.

Yes, lots of ineuendo at the end of that sentence. Move along.

The boy grows to adulthood with the cook and his hot best friend. The cook, thinking the wishing boy might kill him, tries to threaten the girl to kill the wishing boy. She can't because she loves him.

Oooh! I smell romance!

She kills a deer instead and cuts out its heart and tongue for proof, and then has the wish boy hide.

What was she planning on doing? Having him hide forever? She must be one of those "beauty, no brains" kind of girls. What happens if he's found? I suddenly picture her saying that line from the FHFIF (Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends) episode AN (Adoptcalypse Now): "It's a Christmas Miracle!

Wish Boy figures out everything and turns the cook into a black-poodle-with-a-gold-collar-that-eats-burning-coals-until-he-burps-fire by wishing.


Then the boy turns his friend into a beautiful pink flower.

That's a reward?

He puts her in his pocket and goes to his dad's palace followed by the black/gold-fire-poodle-thingy. He visits mom by wishing for a ladder that can reach her window. She's been protected by angels the whole time. Then he tells his dad he's a hunter that can catch any thing. The king tells him to prove it. So the boy gets all the hunters of the land into one ginormous circle in the middle of the forest. He leaves one part of the circle open. Then he wishes.

Wait for it!

Then, two-hundred deer come flocking into the circle of big hunters with arrows and guns.

Do I even have to tell you what happens next?

The boy brings back the two-hundred dead deer and there's a feast. The boys reveals who he is to his dad. He turns the poodle-thingy back, and the cook is locked in the deepest, darkest dungeon for the rest of his life. The boy then reveals his beautiful flower, literally, and then figuratively. The court is astonished by his girlfriend's hotness.

In case you didn't get that 2nd to last sentence, it means he showed them the flower then changed her back.

The king and newly released queen die of joy.

See this post for a comment on this:

The Wishing-Boy and the Flower-Girl get married and live happily ever after.