Sunday, November 30, 2008

Aschenputtel (Ash Face)

I ran across this story while researching variants of Cinderella. Trust me. There are millions of variants of Cinderella. Like, every single culture there is has their own fifty variants.

But here it is. The story of:

Aschenputtel (Ash Face) (The Brothers Grimm)

A kind girl's mother dies and is buried under the hazel tree in the garden, which from then on is always in bloom.

Already we have Thing I Love #1: Magic Tree. Awesome.

The girl's father remarries and her new stepmother and two stepsisters are jealous of her beauty and grace and kindness.

Thing I Love #2: Obvious Hatred.

The stepsisters steal the girl's room and stuff. They force her to sleep in the put-out hearth every night, causing her to be stained head to toe with ashes. The stepfamily mocks her by calling her Aschenputtel. Her father doesn't care.

Thing I Hate #1: Her stepsisters abuse her and her own dad actually encourages it.
Also, Aschenputtel means Ash Face.

The stepmother forces Aschenputtel to do all the cooking and cleaning and work around and even outside the house. Her dad still doesn't care. One day, it is proclaimed that the King's Son is throwing a grand three-day ball. Aschenputtel is forced to bathe, dress, and accessorize her sisters. She asks her stepmother if she can go, and get's the answer, "I have emptied two dishes of lentils into the ashes for you, if you have picked them out again in two hours, you shall go with us."

I'm quoting that directly from the book, you know.

Aschenputtel goes to her mothers grave and prays, and whole flocks of birds fly down and do Aschenputtel's task. The stepmother doesn't care, yells at Aschenputtel that she should be ashamed of herself, and leaves to the first night of the ball with her daughters.

Thing I Hate #2: Evil Stepmother Breaks her Promise.

Aschenputtel starts to cry, and goes out to the grave and prays, "Shiver and quiver, little tree, Silver and gold throw down over me." Instantly, she finds herself clothed in silver and golden dresses and wearing slippers of silver and silk.

Thing I Love #3: See Thing I Love #1.

At the ball, Aschenputtel is unnoticed, and the Prince dances with her and no one else the entire night. Then, when the Prince tries to walk her home, she desserts him and hides in the pigeon house.

Thing I love #4: Hot Girl playing Hard-To-Get.

The Prince tells Aschenputtel's father everything, but when they search the pigeon house, Aschenputtel isn't there, since she had quickly gone out the back, changed clothes, and gotten back in the house by the fire, making it look like she couldn't have been the mysterious princess.

Smart girl!

The next night of the ball, everything happens as before, and Aschenputtel goes in a more beautiful dress. When the Prince tries to walk her home, she hides in the paer-tree, but when it's searched, she isn't found. Aschenputtel, dirty and ragged again, is on the hearth again, having done the same as before.

Smart, Smart Girl!!!

The last night of the ball, everything happens as before, and Aschenputtel goes to the ball in an even more beautiful dress and golden slippers. The prince dances with her all night, and when he tries to walk her home, she runs from him quickly, but the Prince had smeared the last step of the staircase down with glue, and one of Aschenputtel's slippers falls off and sticks.

Ah-ha! A plan!

The Prince comes to Aschenputtel's house the next day with the slipper, to try it on any girl living there. The stepsisters...

If you are squemish, please go to another story post. If not, get ready for the grossest thing you will ever hear.

...cut off their heels so that they can fit the slipper.


The first stepsisters tries and succeeds. But as she and the Prince ride off, the birds sing to him to notice there's blood inside the shoe, and he takes the shoe away and kicks the stepsister off his mighty steed. The next sister tries, succeeds, but the Prince hears the bird and sees the blood and kicks this sister off the horse, too. And I quote: "This also is not the right one," said he, "have you no other daughter." "No," said the father, "there is still a little stunted kitchen-wench which my late wife left behind her, but she cannot possibly be the bride."

Hello, you **** ***. That wench is your biological daughter!

Aschenputtel tries the shoe...

I hope they at least cleaned the blood out.

...and it is a perfect fit!


As Aschenputtel rides off into the sunset with the Handsome Prince Charming on his Mighty Steed, two white doves alight on Aschenputtel's shoulders. The two stepsisters chase after Aschenputtel to try and gain her favor, and...

Wait for it!

...the doves peck at her sisters violently.

So everyone, except the newly blind stepsisters, lived happily ever after.

Though I beleive Aschenputtel's father deserves a kick in the shin.

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